I shed my skin and put my bones into everything I do

It is easy to find some one to love but the hard part is finding some one to love you back. I think this is a very true statement. The falling in love is one of the best parts or at least I think it is. The learning something new each day, can't wait to hear your voice, and feel your touch newness of it all. From the moment I met Kelli I knew she was where I wanted to be. Was it love or lust that grew into love? I still miss her smile and laugh. We have gotten to a place where we can text with out an argument ensuing. Then there is Juan.... I was not looking for him I had just left my wife and was going through a divorce. He just was there with his sweetness and flowers and home cooked meals. SO I said fuck it picked up my battered and torn heart and followed him where ever he chose to lead. Don't get me wrong I still have my days where I miss Kelli like crazy but I have been writing her a letter every day trying to express my emotions. I tried to fight for us but there was no going back what was done is done. She is with some one and now so am I. I have learned from my recent

Divorce a few lessons. You can out things on others time tables either it works or it does not and that is okay. 

We can fuck and make love but I will always  a piece of my self just for me.... It is called my soul. I will be giving and kind open to love but my soul that stays mine... My secret place where no one can hurt me. Just because you love some one does not mean you can be with them. This is a hard lesson to learn. But my mother was right love does not always conquer all. The other day it was like this weird switch went off in my head and I stopped hurting so bad. I still have my days but at least I am no longer crying my self to sleep. 

So Juan and I are living together yes I have heard every U haul joke already . We have made agreements and stuck to them so far. We don't go to bed angry, who ever gets home first makes dinner, he handles the money and I do the big cleaning the rest we split. It varies from day to day who does what but we try to support the other in any way we can.

I finally allowed him to meet my Portland family. It went good the kids liked him a lot.I am currently writing this from the PSU 24 hour computer lab while he studies... Like I said we support each other in any way we can. 

  

some things make you realize how imp loved ortant people are to you

Funny faces at Shari's 

Baby love in the ER doped to the nines with her new hat. 

Life was going pretty good for Kelli, pants and I.Were were working out jobs and entertaining ourselves with rock hunting,skating and what ever else sounded good. The other night Kelli was really in the mood for greasy breakfast food so off we went to shari's in search of her craving., We had a lovely greasy meal and set off to see what the night held. I went out and spent some time with my good friend Juan. We had a lovely time eating Philly subs, drinking wine and listening to Jazz. Kelli stayed home and watched movies. It was a good time for all of us. My schedule was switched to grave yards for the week so it looked as though Kelli and I would not be seeing much of each other. To make it even more challenging I was on call this last weekend so we were not really able to spend anytime with each other. But we did have a lovely night of good willing and scored some really good stuff. I worked graves on Monday night. When I got home Kelli was curled up in bed in an a lot of pain. I did the rebound pain test and she just about punched me. After some strong arming from pants we were off for another family trip to the ER. Her labs came back normal after dome pushing on my part he agreed to do a CAT scan. They found that her appendix was fine but that she did have an Ovarian cyst that was 4 inches in length. They then took her down to ultra sound to see if it was cutting off blood supply. Portland mom, and pants were there to keep us company and support Kelli. While it was a very long day of waiting we made it fun with jokes, laughter, knitting and many other things. Finally they sent in an OB consult. After a little pushing and talking she deiced that emergency surgery was the best way to go. Kelli and I are so lucky we have a great support system here. Portland Mom, Pants, and our sister Melissa all spent the next day in the hospital with me keeping us company and making us laugh. The night we spent in the hospital was as always sleepless people in and out an  machines beeping. My mom and les called to check on us as well no matter how far away My mom is still my strength and I know I can count on her when ever I need her as well as my Da Les. The surgery went well they removed her right ovary and Fallopian tube. They also did a DNC. She came out very tired but we were discharged tonight. I brought her home and got her settled in the bed. I have established a med schedule to ensure that we keep her out of severe pain. She is currently in a drug coma. I am encouraging fluids and watching her close. Thanks to all who prayed, sent good vibes and supported us during this event. One of the best parts of the friends visiting was one of my best friend brought her son Cale by to visit Kelli it really made her day.

Best behaved child ever Kelli was soooo excited to see him!!



A also loves the way I use the word Panda all the time so she bought me a super cute pair of panda gloves it was a great end to a super long two days!! THANK YOU A !!!! I love and adore you my best friend!!!