I shed my skin and put my bones into everything I do

It is easy to find some one to love but the hard part is finding some one to love you back. I think this is a very true statement. The falling in love is one of the best parts or at least I think it is. The learning something new each day, can't wait to hear your voice, and feel your touch newness of it all. From the moment I met Kelli I knew she was where I wanted to be. Was it love or lust that grew into love? I still miss her smile and laugh. We have gotten to a place where we can text with out an argument ensuing. Then there is Juan.... I was not looking for him I had just left my wife and was going through a divorce. He just was there with his sweetness and flowers and home cooked meals. SO I said fuck it picked up my battered and torn heart and followed him where ever he chose to lead. Don't get me wrong I still have my days where I miss Kelli like crazy but I have been writing her a letter every day trying to express my emotions. I tried to fight for us but there was no going back what was done is done. She is with some one and now so am I. I have learned from my recent

Divorce a few lessons. You can out things on others time tables either it works or it does not and that is okay. 

We can fuck and make love but I will always  a piece of my self just for me.... It is called my soul. I will be giving and kind open to love but my soul that stays mine... My secret place where no one can hurt me. Just because you love some one does not mean you can be with them. This is a hard lesson to learn. But my mother was right love does not always conquer all. The other day it was like this weird switch went off in my head and I stopped hurting so bad. I still have my days but at least I am no longer crying my self to sleep. 

So Juan and I are living together yes I have heard every U haul joke already . We have made agreements and stuck to them so far. We don't go to bed angry, who ever gets home first makes dinner, he handles the money and I do the big cleaning the rest we split. It varies from day to day who does what but we try to support the other in any way we can.

I finally allowed him to meet my Portland family. It went good the kids liked him a lot.I am currently writing this from the PSU 24 hour computer lab while he studies... Like I said we support each other in any way we can.