Back trackin a bit.

So I moved out of my Home in Portland into a home in Vancouver with my partner. I was on cloud nine! I had a job I loved, a partner I loved, a home, and I was rebuilding my life. Things went well for a while... Lady H had brain cancer. I knew this when I entered into a relationship with her. I know some of you are asking why would I do it....? Looking back I loved her, and I loved to be needed. We lived happily but eventually it all got to be too much. I began to be her care provider rather then her partner. We stopped being intimate, and she withdrew from me not wanting me to get hurt. I dove even deeper into work as a way to cope with everything I was not willing to look at. This made me great at my job but not such a good partner. Rab was getting ready to turn 29 so of course we must go to the bar and drink copious amounts of booze to celebrate her being here! We started a bit early in the day with a designated driver all worked out the party was in full swing by the time we hit the E room. Rabs boss,wife, and his sister would be joining us as well as Rabs new girlfriend C. The drinks were flowing and we were having a grand time. Then the most amazingly hot butch walked into the bar.... And she was heading for our table. It was her bosses sister.. I was immediately attracted. She was shy, and intelligent, made me laugh, made me feel like something was alive in side of me. I had a partner so the evening was kept to small talk, some light flirting and a whole lot of thoughts going through my mind. I will admit I did leave  the bar with her number. Rab had puked and was now requesting Jack in the box so it was time to bid the evening farewell. We went back to her house and crashed I woke up the next morning thinking I needed to seriously look at my life. If I have a partner I should not be attracted to other women, let alone leaving the bar with their number. What was I thinking? I was not thinking I was trying to yet again block out every thing that had happened over the past three years. My mom getting sick with cancer, dropping out of school to take care of her, leaving my family in Eugene, moving to Portland, taking on a partner with terminal brain cancer, moving up in my company to a management position. I was searching for something I just was not sure what it was...... I drove back to Vancouver that afternoon with thoughts racing through my head... where was my life going?